Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Yin and Yang in the Can

I went to pee earlier and someone was using the middle stall. Presumably, he was taking a shit but it smelled like he was baking cookies. I swear, it smelled like warm Toll House Cookies were sliding out of his ass into the water. I took some extra time washing my hands and I thought, this guy must think his shit doesn't stink. Because it doesn't.

This got me thinking, as these things are wont to do, about smells. Actually, it was the guy in the elevator who, apparently, sprayed himself with Off, thinking it was cologne, that got me thinking about smells. I know that one man's shit is another man's gold and to each his own and all that crap but some things are universal. Everyone thinks bug spray smells like crap and, ergo, any cologne that smells like bug spray, by default, smells like crap. It's universal, like the way everyone agrees that play-do smells like how you think it must taste, or something like that.

So, with these smells making me ponder the olfactory system in general, I went to the can to pee and the smell that hit me as I entered the bathroom was, well, very different from the Toll House Cookie dump of yore. No, this was more like what you might smell if you were to take runny shit, mix it with dead snails, eat it, shit it out, eat it again, die, rot under the hot sun for a week and then open your stomach and sniff the contents.

It was pretty bad.

I tried vomiting to mask the smell of the shit but, alas, it didn't work.

6 comments:

Crushed_X_Ice said...

You do realize when you post this stuff that I not only laugh immediately, but hours and even days later when I think about it?
Potty humor is universal.

Floogin McNoogin said...

Humor? Who was being funny?

Trenton said...

I'll bet the dude in the middle stall that left that loaf from hell for ya thought it was pretty funny.

You know, this is the second post of your's that I've read where you talk about someone making a smell in the bathroom... You sure there isn't someone in your office that's reading this, eating a lot of fiber, and then coming into work with one intent; to run, erm I mean RUIN your day?

I smells me a conspiracy here!!!

Trent

Crushed_X_Ice said...

smells like a conspiracy..lol...
lmfao

Floogin McNoogin said...

everything, it seems, is a conspiracy.

Trenton said...

You know, I think I need to make a thread about this somewhere... I bet that some people would run with the idea!!! LOL!!

Trent :-)