Saturday, March 28, 2009

Floogin's Blog Poses a "Significant Risk"

Well, as I awaited my big fat $100 check from google for the 2 plus years of advertising, I began compiling lists of how I will use the money. Sure, I thought about myself. Sure, I thought I'd buy some shoelaces and twizzlers with all that money. I contemplated 3 minutes of spank time on a porn site. I even thought about packing a back and travelling until the money ran out. I hear the Bronx is lovely this time of year. In the end, I decided I would split the money and put it in the kids' college accounts.

So, when I got the email last night, telling me that I was not getting paid and my adsense account was shut down, I was a bit stunned.

I found this part to be truly frightening.

While going through our records recently, we found that your AdSense account has posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers.


What the fuck does that mean? Is google calling me Floogin Bin Laden? Am I going to be shipped off to some dank eastern european makeshift prison while agents from foreign countries torture confessions out of me? If this is true, let me save everyone the trouble. I'm guilty. Whatever you want me to admit to, I'm guilty.

Huh? What? The significant risk stems from my asking people to support the blog by clicking the ads? That's not allowed? Seriously? So, when Pearl Jam plays a concert in New York City for the Robin Hood Foundation and they suggest, between songs, that people buy the shirts from the show to support the charity, are they posing a significant risk? When the auctioneer is imploring people to open their wallets and buy the products located around the room as a means of supporting the cause, is he posing a significant risk?

When the folks in Disney shove mouse product after mouse product down the throats of parents, are they not posing a significant risk?

Let's see, people come here, they read, they enjoy, or they don't, they click an ad out of respect for the blog. It's like tossing the change in the tip jar.

Fuck! Is suggesting people tip posing a significant risk?

I don't recall suggesting people sit and click for hours. I simply asked people to click the ads. How on earth is that posing a significant risk? If someone got a bit overzealous and clicked like a madman, is that my fault? I can't see how someone with a happy click finger should result in my being punished and losing out on the $125 or so dollars that was sitting in my google account.

I'm supposed to have lunch on Monday at Google's NY office. Want to know why? Because google threw it in as part of the prize for anyone buying the artwork from the school auction I went to a few weeks ago. I paid for a class project done by 4 year olds and google threw the lunch for two in to sweeten the pot. I wanted to go to their lunchroom. I did not want the kids' art. They enticed me into buying the painting. Isn't that posing a "significant risk?"

So, now I need a lawyer to represent me. I am going to sue Google for this accusation. I am going to sue them for slander. I am going to sue them for my money, plus interest and I am going to demand a public apology.

Now, if only I had some ads on the site, I might find myself a lawyer. I wouldn't click the link. I'd merely see the name and then call information, lest I be accused of posing a significant motherfucking risk.

15 comments:

Someone You Don't Know said...

Strangley enough, i was going to warn you to stop asking people to click on the links. I had a feeling that Google would frown upon this.
I too, posed a "significant risk" when my mother kept clicking on the ads.
Google suck. Period.
On a side note, i am available to view on the new Google UK street view. I saw the van with the cameras and i was caught whilst chatting to a neighbour.
How cool is that?
Not as much as you'd think.

Floogin McNoogin said...

I know I should be on the lam, what with me being a significant risk and all that but, well, screw em.

Perhaps you should tell them you want some money for their using your image without your permission. Google is posing a significant risk to your safety. That crazy psychopath stalker from your childhood has seen you on google street view and now you might have to move.

Someone You Don't Know said...

Funny you mention this, but here in the UK, there has been an absolute influx of people demanding that their pictures are taken down for reasons of privacy.

Of course, when the media have reported this, they have been kind enough to show the deleted pictures anyway, just so we can see it and laugh....you know.

I feel for you, i really do. Google are terrible at this, closing accounts down at the slightest thing. They are indeed, as the conspiracy theorists suggest...evil. And they need to be stopped.

I really hope you weren't joking about getting a lawyer because if i knew (in a way) the first person to sue Google for pulling this kind of crap...i would die a happy person.

Sorry for stopping following your blog again by the way....going through some personal stuff right now.

Floogin McNoogin said...

Imagine the press I'd get. Blogger sues google over $100. I bet I could get legal fees by asking for donations. Of course, according to google, asking people to help me out poses a significant risk.

I'm sure you stopped following me as a result of the risk I pose. Nobody wants to be associated with criminals.

Noticed the blog was taken down. I hope you still have an outlet for your thoughts. It's somewhat unburdening, getting some of these odd thoughts out of the skull.

Someone You Don't Know said...

You really should sue them. There must be a mass lawsuit going on somewhere...this stuff happens way too often.

The blog is back now. I had a few days of insanity where i thought i didn't need all this. Apparently i was wrong.

How's work going? Reached that mental breaking point yet?

Floogin McNoogin said...

I snapped the other day. Since the initial mental break, I've found myself weeping in the corner twice, I piss myself daily, my hair has fallen out and I have developed a few twitches and, it seems, turrets.

It's cool though. The kids love hearing me say motherfucker

Someone You Don't Know said...

First, i hate that i misspelled "Strangely" in my first comment and it's going to bug me all day.

Secondly...yeah, i read the "files and piles" post. Seems that you are hitting mental breakdown territory.

Hate to sound uncaring...but do please keep us posted on your deterioating psyche.

Laura said...

Thanks for the warning..requests coming down before they see them. Funny they let you know just as you are eligible for the first check.

I say sue them, or maybe not I don't want to be on the hit list.

Funny shit...sort of, like they need your $100

Floogin McNoogin said...

If I could fix the spelling I would.

Rest assured, I will continue to melt down in as public a manner as possible. Now that I know how to put a youtube video into the blog (thanks again)
perhaps I'll upload some video madness. Of course, not many people want to see a grown man weeping as he staples his hand to the wall but, I'm sure, there must be at least one magazine and 3 websites devoted to it.

Floogin McNoogin said...

It has nothing to do with the requests. A blog that garners 1,000 hits a month shouldn't get the click rate that I got. Someone overclicked, google saw my revenue go from a buck (or less) a day to $100 in March alone. That indicates some tom foolery.

Sadly, all I did was appeal to the folks who read this and, somehow, google feels I pose a "significant risk."

They should see me in April.

Someone You Don't Know said...

"a grown man weeping as he staples his hand to the wall "

I would pay to see that. In fact, i would set up a website devoted to that. Perhaps i will. I'm that bored.

Will you provide images?

Crushed_X_Ice said...

there goes my google dreams....
aw well.
found me a new playground anyways.

Floogin McNoogin said...

sure but no google advertising on the site

Floogin McNoogin said...

where? I love playgrounds

Crushed_X_Ice said...

oh wouldn't you love to know...
hahaha...
my dirty little secret..lol