Tuesday, January 27, 2009

She Cooked!!! She Cooked!!!!!

No shit.

The apocolypse is upon us. Mrs. McNoogin made me dinner last night.

More or less but, given there was some stove usage and a few pots were actually used, I'm going to give this one to her for the effort.

I came home around 7:00 last night. I was greeted by the baby sitter and my daughter's best friend's sitter. The kids were quietly playing and my wife was nowhere to be found.

The friend's sitter asked me for the recipe for the sugar free crustless cheesecake. She said it was awesome. I thanked her as nobody else had tasted it so I didn't know if it was really good or I just like cream cheese. Now I know.

Anyway, I asked our sitter where my wife was and she smiled and said "in the bedroom getting dinner ready."

I was a bit surprised. I couldn't imagine my wife, who is not exactly the outgoing sexcapade type, was summonning me to the boudoir for some late afternoon fucking.

She wasn't.

She was on the internet looking up recipes. She was planning on making me dinner and she needed to learn how to make what she wanted to make.

Not a good sign.

Anyway, I removed my ridiculous boot, put on some sweats and a tee shirt and went to say hello to the kids. I was greeted by all three of them with hugs and kisses and cheers. Then my daughter leaned in close and whispered "mommy's cooking" in a somewhat frightened tone.

I told her not to worry, she was googling recipes and I'm sure it will be great.

I went into the kitchen and heard the sitters talking about their obama crushes, my wife's lack of skills in the kitchen and my apparent skills in that same room.

I stuck my head into the kitchen, more to see what was being prepped for me than anything else and this is what I saw.
A big bowl of chopped spinach - frozen and defrosting.
Butter in a pot
Several different seasonings
Heavy Cream
One nut
Two steaks wrapped in the shrink wrap that screams "not the best meat."
computer printouts


So I asked what was going on and the sitters said "steak and creamed spinach but she doesn't know what you can and can't eat so she took everything out and she's been waiting for you to come home before she started cooking."

So the butter, the heavy cream etc have all been sitting out for a few hours. gross.

The steaks? One was a shell steak, the other a ribeye. The label on the rib eye said bone in. There was no bone. The shell steak was some organic, no anti-biotic etc company. The color was not the color of raw steak. My wife came in as I was inspecting the meats and she said "they didn't have two rib eyes from the same company and the woman told me the steaks were identical so I got this one."

I had to explain the different cuts of meat to her.

I had to show her the colors.

I had to show her the fat on the steak and explain the importance of said fat.

I had to explain the concept behind aging - the steak she bought was new baby, new.

I had to do all of this without upsetting her as she was trying to make me dinner but she didn't know that you are better off going to a butcher for steaks.

I managed to do this without putting a damper on the night.

Then I hit the bottle.

It was a necessity. The steaks were not going to be great. They wouldn't suck but they would rank in the bottom of the list of all time great steaks.

Way down at the bottom.

But she was cooking so I couldn't complain.

So, the sitters left and we got the kids in bed and asleep and we went back to cooking our dinner.

I offered to help and my wife said she'd do it. I asked her if she was going to salt the steaks a bit and she asked what that meant. I explained that a light salt rub would seal in the juices, keep the steak nice and flavorful blah blah blah. she asked me to do it.

So I did.

So, the end result was, she made me creamed spinach. It was pretty good. The rib eye was eh and the shell was horrific. It turned an even stranger color after cooking and the only way I could eat it was by first drowning it in bleu cheese dressing.

All in all, she cooked so the cook watch is over.

Should I start the sex watch next? I can put up a sex watch clock right next to a hell freezes over clock.

We can all bet on which one ends first.

2 comments:

Laura said...

Whats a shell steak?

Floogin McNoogin said...

a cut of beef. this particular shell was from the yuck section of a cow that was probably skinny, underfed and unhappy.