Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I got nothing.

Seriously. Nothing. My life has been so damned boring, there's nothing to make fun of, nothing to brag about, nothing to rant about and nothing to rave about.

I've been buried in work when I shouldn't be. It sucks but, on the bright side, the weather has, for the most part, sucked lately. Two days of sun bookended by a week of rain. Nasty shit that makes the weekends suck even more.

No trip at the end of the month. Cancelled. Swine flu issues made me afraid to leave the kids behind.

I'd talk about how the sports reporters are all talking about the decline in last year's superstars as a result of age and not one has mentioned the possibility that (gasp) maybe they were all juicing and now that they've stopped, age is catching up to them. Yes, this means Big Papi, Moyer, Jeter, Giambi, Sheffield et al. They all cheated, now they need to face aging. I'd talk about it but it's fucking boring.

I'd talk about how my kids will be in Issue 54 of the Spiderman Adventure Book Series, out in August (with Spidey holding up a bunch of cars while staring at a young girl on the cover) but it isn't out yet so there's no point telling you to go buy it.

I'd talk about lots of things, if I had something to say. Has a mild depression settled over our hero? Can he pop out of this normalcy and return to his bumbling oaffish ways?

How about some ideas? Gimme something to talk about, I'll do my best.


foxy roxy said...

Here's a pick-me-up that'll certainly shake up a mundane life.

Wait. It probably wouldn't be wise to divulge step-by-step instructions on how to kill a hooker to get your rocks off.

Don't want that shit traced back to me, or to be labeled an accomplice. Won't play Robin to your Batman.
I could, however, use a wing man from time to time when on the hunt.

It's hard to disarticulate a subject when one has little upper body strength.
On the flip side, I've heard the human body is worth zero carbs when digested.

Floogin McNoogin said...

I'm unsure as to the suggestion for topics but the idea of hooker killing thing is interesting. Truth is, I'm more of a drifter killer as the hooker thing is so cliche and, truth be told, the street walking hookers around here are nasty and, more often than not, men.

Laura said...

I don't have any suggestions, but will try to come up with some.

Hookers and murder aren't my thing but they do make interesting tv shows, so if you want to entertain us with some superhero story where you save the day or your oaffish self gets caught with one I am sure it will be fun to read.

You must be doing something right with over 1,000 hits.. well done.

foxy roxy said...

Serial killers knocking off hookers is cliche; yet, still top the charts, as they (a) Go willingly with strangers, (b) can go missing for long stretches of time without people noticing them missing (if their absense is even noticed at all), (c) most police in just about any major city on the globe consider them high risk targets, and their disappearance/ murder sit low on their caseload priority list.
Hence, they're vulnerable moving targets of old.
Drifters...well, I just don't see many of them anymore.

Floogin McNoogin said...

Roxy, you don't see drifters too often because, well, let's just say I've been busy.

Laura, all those clicks and, yet, I can't ever make a nickel off the traffic. Danka.

Anonymous said...

ok floogin,instead of writing about your own life, how's about trying on someone else's hat, walking a mile in their shoes.
Step out of your own box, people watch...try to be someone else.
Any points in your life where you chose the left fork in the road over the right one?
Could you have become someone else?
If you could change..who or what would you want to be?What would you change in the world?
Come on..challenge yourself.

Floogin McNoogin said...

anonymous, you've asked me to be someone else, you've asked me to talk about a path I didn't take, you've asked what I would change, if I could.

kinda boring, no?

coulda should woulda. I don't like to look back at my mistakes and ponder how life would have turned out had I not fucked up.

No, not Floogin. Floogin prefers to wallow in the misery that is today. I fucked up, I live in the shit. Floogin McNoogin, dung beetle

Anonymous said...

yeah, sugar coat it floogin
need a cherry on top o'that cream pie?
The point was suggestions.
I don't care if you blog about the gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe...
I read it, because no matter what topic you pick, you spin it to be humorous, even if it's not.
Man just pick up a Times, and throw your 2 cents in about any given featured article..I mean it works for Regis, and late night TV.
Yes, you can use that to boost your ego..I just compared you to celebrities....

Laura said...

Sorry you can't make a nickel off the clicks, but some of us can. :-) and for your google friends. I didn't ask.

And as for the misery that is today, write about that shit. Teach the rest of us. I hate to step in shit... again, and again and again.

Laura said...

Love it anonymous, give poor Floogin a smack. Compare him to celebs? We aren't going to fit in his "room" anymore. lol...

foxy roxy said...

Somewhere is the world's smallest violin playing just for you, Floog.

So, you fucked up when you shoulda fucked down. And you live in shit, which may be better than living in piss. With piss, all you can do is splash around a bit, and maybe swim in it if it's deep enough. Course, you'll have to plug your nose to keep from swallowing it.
That's out- unless it's your own.

With can build a fort, pack it in a ball and sling it at others as they walk by.
Yeah, it stinks and is quite a mess, but considering how easy it would be to alienate others, fuck, even shit has its advantages.

Wait. What kind of shit is it? rat shit, dog shit? Your own? Does it matter? You can always clean yourself up afterwards.
That's the beauty of shit; it washes off.

Floogin McNoogin said...

Anonymous, you compared me to Regis and that is not something to brag about. Granted, he's far less of a douchebag in person (same physical therapy office) but, still, a douchebag is a douchebag and he is one. Not sure which late night talk show you are referring to but someone who puts Regis up as good comedy, probably watches Leno. That means you're old and out of touch (sorry, has to be the case here). Leno isn't half as funny as Regis but he's a far bigger douchebag so it evens out.

I'll see if I can't work on something about the gum at the bottom of my shoe. Shall I mention the hairs that are stuck to it too?