Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Jersey Show Is The Sign. The End Is Coming.

I've seen some bad shit in my life, horrific, embarrassing, reswallowing vomit type crap but nothing can hold a candle to The Jersey Shore.  MTV should be banished from the air waves for putting this crap on tv.  Even the State of New Jersey should be embarrassed to be associated with this tripe.  Seriously, the armpit of the nation, the only stretch of highway where, if someone farts in the car, you roll the windows up.

That's right, I said it, a fart's refreshing in Jersey and, still, this show makes them look bad.

First, the why.  Why the fuck was I watching this shit.  I turned the tv on and my daughter had left it on MTV and there it was.  I was going to switch to the Mets game but my son distracted me and the end result was that it was on in the background and I wound up watching a bit of it, much like you a bloody car wreck that causes you to slow down and stare as you roll past.

Now, these fucking pigs are everywhere.  Magazines, newspapers, etc.  They think they're celebrities.  They're not.  Forgive them for being ugly, for sounding uneducated and for having less class that a steaming pile of dog shit on a hot August sidewalk.  None of that is their fault.

The egos, however, are all them.

One guy looks like he might have been Derek Jeter's afterbirth and the guy acts like he's the second coming of Brad Pitt.  One guy has this hair that looks like it might qualify as a weapon.  It's spiked and blown backwards like he shellacked it after riding in a wind tunnel.  The guys all remove their shirts whenever they can, which, to me, seems like every moment they are alone, with each other.  I'll let you figure out how gay that makes them seem (not that there's anything wrong with that).  Let's see, appearance obsessed, into hair products, spend obscene amount of time pumping each other (up) at the gym.  Yup.  Gay.  Hell, how many straight guys get their nipples pierced?  That's right, only the guys who also pierce their ears, lips, have those giant holes in their lobes etc.  Not these guys.  Nope, no sir, they are straight out of gay porn video.  Not that I've seen it but, if I were forced to imagine what gay porn might look like, these guys seem to fit the bill.

And the girls?  Pathetic really.  Of course guys want to hang out with you.  We're animals.  We like to fuck.  You girls are whores who are too fucking stupid to understand that you can get paid for what you do.  Hell, it doesn't even need to be monetary compensation for your overly willingness to screw.  There are so many ways to make your pussy work for you and, yet, you simply act like drunken whores, get annoyed when other drunken whores move in on your territory and you set women back to caveman times.  This is probably good for these girls, and the guys, since they all look like they might have been cavemen who were shaved down, painted olive green and put in a shitty little house in a shitty little area that nobody with any class at all would ever want to be stuck driving through, let alone sleeping in.

And yes, I know, you guys are seen cavorting with women galore, they throw themselves at you and, yes, the men are falling all over each other to get in the arms of the girls on the show but, as I mentioned, y'all are pretty easy and seem to like the cock so, sure, why wouldn't they?  And the guys?  Why are they getting all these women? 


These fucking zeroes are turned into slightly more appealing beings by order of the camera crews.  Anyone who would hang out in those places is easily impressed by anything and a camera crew with a chance for being on tv?  Aphrodisiac for sure.  I remember when I was a freshman in college.  MTV filmed Mardi Gras and tons of my friends were willing to make total asses of themselves, make out with the uglies people etc, just for those 5 seconds of air time.

But these morons are older, over 21, adults.  They should know better.

Someone needs to tell them that, once those cameras are gone, they'll be collecting tolls, emptying garbage cans, fixing cars etc and their women, who are already a bit on the plump size, will balloon up to their natural weight, that brown tan will show off the wrinkles and, by the age of 30 they'll all look they died two months earlier.

It's sad and it's inevitable and the only way to avoid any of it is to not watch.

But, like I said, it's hard not to.  It's like staring at the monkeys in a cage at the zoo.

Only these monkeys aren't as cute.  Or smart.

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