Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Young Floogin's Dilemma

Last night I'm lying in bed with my daughter, telling her about the coming storm as my wife gets young Floogin Junior ready for bed. They're in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and she says "ok, make a pee pee and let's get in bed."

The toilet flushes and I hear "I hate this" from my son.

"What?" my wife asks him.

"My penis bone" my son says with disgust. "I hate it"

My wife asks why and my son says "my penis bone gets bigger then it gets smaller. Bigger. Smaller. Bigger. Smaller"

My daughter and I are now in hysterics listening to this conversation.

My wife says something along the lines of "don't worry, it means your growing" and my son says "can't it make up it's mind?"

My wife stifles a giggle and says "no, it will never make up its mind. It will get more indecisive as you get older but you need to use your other mind to help it make the right decisions."

My son stops at the door to his room, looks down and says "penis bone, this if Floogin Junior, I'm telling you to stop getting bigger and smaller. If you stay small, I'll stay small and then I can always be the little boy."

I'm half crying, half laughing when my son comes running up to me to give me a hug and a kiss. My first reaction is to back up a bit, lest I get poked with the boy's little boner.

I pick him up and bring him to his bed. I pull the covers up over his body, hand him is mlamla (don't ask, mine was a zhazhoo - it's a McNoogin thing I guess) and kiss him good night.

As I walk out of the room, I flip the lights off and hear my son whisper "stupid penis bone, I told you to stay small."

He's way too young to learn about penis bones. I'm guessing one of the other boys in his class told him it was a penis bone. I say this because my son has been walking around with one hand on his pecker for months, driving his mother crazy. We were at a birthday party for one of his friends and my wife saw the boy scratching and playing and she asked him what he was doing. His response was "fixing and itching my shemeckel." My wife turned to the mother of one his friends and said "he's constantly touching and moving and scratching his penis. I'd think he had vd or something if he was older."

The mother laughed and said "look at the boys, they all do it."

Sure enough, the group of boys he was playing with all had one hand on their crotch. Fixing, itching, moving, adjusting their wangs.

So, yeah, one of these boys must have told my son about the penis bone because it sure as shit wasn't me.

5 comments:

Trenton said...

So when are ya gonna have "the talk" with little Floogin anyway? I'd say it's about that time.

Trent :-)

Floogin McNoogin said...

he's only 4. no point explaning the mysteries of the boner to him.

AccessDenied said...

And I was just asked the other day if boys were easier to raise than girls...*sigh..toss up.

Floogin McNoogin said...

girls are easier until I have to deal with my little girl becoming a woman.

then all bets are off.

AccessDenied said...

Floogin..be ready for that to start when she turns 13...