Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I almost looked like a hero

I'm horrible at picking out gifts for anyone over the age of 15. If one of my kids needs a gift, the wife asks me what to get. If one of our many nieces or nephews is having a birthday, I usually pick it. Perhaps it is my childish nature. I'm immature and I like to play with the kids and their toys so I have a pretty good handle on what to get them.

When it comes to adults, I'm a moron. A good friend of mine recently turned 40 and I went and picked up a tie. It was a good pick. Very nice. Normally, I'd pick something out that I would like but when I wear ties, they tend to be on the funkier side of things. So, when I came home with a tie for this friend, my wife was surprised and shocked. His wife called my wife to make plans shortly after his party and she said it was one of his favorite gifts. She thought it showed how much we cared that we didn't opt for the standard bottle of wine or champagne. She told my wife she has excellent taste and her husband wore it that Monday. My wife then said "Floogin picked it out. He didn't tell me he was doing it. Just went and picked it out."

Other than that one shining moment, I'm a total bust when it comes to gift buying. Every year, on my wife's birthday, our anniversary, mother's day and channukah, I basically tell her to go buy something for herself. It allows me the pleasure of not having to see her disappointed face when she opens some crappy gift from me.

So, when my sister's 20th wedding anniversary was coming up, I suggested we take my sister and her husband out for a night on the town. They live on Long Island and don't get to take advantage of all the city has to offer. My wife said she liked the idea and asked where we should take them. She thought I meant a restaurant. I did but I also thought it would be fun to see a show. So, I told her about Rock of Ages. It's an off broadway show that is described as "a romantic musical comedy set to the hottest tunes of the 80's." The songs in the show included hits by white snake, styx, reo speedwagon, foreigner etc. The website has a video from the show. It looked fucking awesome.

We were discussing the show with my younger sister and her husband and they both loved the idea and thought the show sounded awesome so I asked my older sister and her husband and they were all over it. They both thought the show sounded like a lot of fun and they said they hadn't been to the theater since our show closed back in 2001. (that's right, Floogin McNoogin as the title Broadway Producer on his resume).

So we set out trying to find a night the 6 of us were all free. After about a week of deliberating, we settled on a date and I went and bought 6 tickets. I got 6 seats in the front row, dead center. Normally, I'd want seats set back a few rows. Having produced a show and been involved with the theater machinations, I have learned to request house seats whenever possible, often doing this through back channels. They are rarely free but you wind up in the best seats in the house. These are the seats that the set designers, choreographers, lighting people, directors etc sit in when the show is in pre-production and these are usually the best seats for viewing the show. The only show I know of where the house seats were not necessarily the best in the theater was The Producers. Mel Brooks wanted the choreography to geared towards the orchestra seating but he also wanted to ensure that the folks in the second balcony would not be fucked over so many of the dance numbers were designed like the old synchronized swimming scenes from those movies from the 40's.

Anyway, I scored these front row seats and, judging from the video on the website, it looks like the show turns into a full on concert. People are dancing in the aisles, the cast comes off the stage to interact and dance with the audience. Quite a party.

I picked up the tickets and this past Friday I gave my sister and her husband their tickets at an anniversary party. I gave my other sister hers. she paid me for her share of the tickets and everything was set. All that was left was to pick a restaurant to hit before the show. No big deal as my younger sister wasn't going to spring for dinner too so it was just the 4 of us for this leg.

Today I got the email alerting me to the show's closing. A week before we are supposed to see the show. On sister is going away next week, the other might not be available the week after that. So, I'm going to have to get a refund and start thinking about a gift all over again.

One last thought. If you are on line for the bathroom in a restaurant, and there's someone behind you, do you let them in first if you plan on taking a dump? I was at a rather crowded restaurant Saturday night and there's a guy on line in front of me and he goes in and doesn't come out for a solid ten minutes. He finally comes out and as I walk in I am engulfed in the noxious odor. A thick, creamy, pea soup of stench permeates my clothes and I spend 3 minutes gagging and pissing. I wound up pissing all over the place as the heaving gags were making me move around as I peed.

When I came out of the bathroom there was a guy and a girl waiting behind me. Well, she was waiting for the lady's room but they were together and as I exited the room of death he said "why don't you go in here, I can go after you."

As she stepped into the bathroom, she must've got wind of what went down in there because she stopped dead in her tracks, spun around and practically leaped out of the bathroom. She was an odd shade of green and she had her hand over her mouth. Thru her fingers she gag spoke and said "you go ahead, this guy got personal in there."

I tried to defend myself but I realized I must've sounded pathetic so I lowered my head in unwarranted shame and fled the scene.

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