Monday, October 05, 2009

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

My daughter doesn't believe in the usual childhood myths and legends. When she was three she told her niece, who was 7 at the time, that Santa Claus probably wasn't real because he can't go down chimneys in the city and the only way to get gifts in would be thru a window or by the front door and the doormen in her building don't let anyone in without buzzing up first.

To say she's wise is an understatement.

So, when she lost her first tooth a year or so ago, she put it under her pillow but made jokes about how much the daddy tooth fairy was going to give her.

We tried to convince her otherwise, to no avail. I told her the tooth fairy was small, green and had wings. I told her that, sometimes, if you look carefully, you can see little green footprints where the tooth fairy walked around your face, inspecting the lost tooth. She wasn't buying any of it.

The last tooth she lost, she again put under her pillow, with a note that, she said at the time, was for the tooth fairy only.

So, when I crept into her room, slipped my hand under the pillow and removed the tooth and the note, I got a hell of a surprise.

It was addressed to me.

Yesterday, she lost her upper front tooth. Apparently, losing these front teeth is a big deal to the 2nd graders in her class and my daughter was ecstatic. She called me to tell me. When I saw her she was beaming with pride over her hockey player's mouth. Her other upper front chomper is loose as hell and it seems to have shifted now that the mate has fallen out. She has the appearance of a one toothed goober from the south. It's adorable in a "don't smile honey" kind of way.

She told me that this tooth was worth at least $25 or an ipod touch and she thinks a credit card is probably not out of the question.

I told her to talk to the tooth fairy because she's responsible for these things.

She said "I am talking to the tooth fairy, DAD!"

So, I suggested she wrap the tooth up and get some sleep. Once again, she wrote a note.

Here it is, verbatim:
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my first top tooth, so I want more than 10 bucks and mabey(sic) even a credit card or an I touch.

(drawing of her tooth)

I'm so excited I lost my first top tooth so give me something big!!!

She slipped that note, along with her tooth, into a plastic bag and stuck it under her pillow.

After she fell asleep I cut out a picture of an itouch from one of the Sunday paper inserts. I then took a note card and made a mock credit card for Fairyland Express and paper clipped them both to a $20.

I slipped my hand under her pillow and pulled out the tooth, replacing it with my little package.

Then I took a green marker and left little dots on her cheek, leading up to her nose and all over her nose.

No word yet but, I'm hoping, the footprints will work to convince her that yes, Virginia, there is a Tooth Fairy.


Trenton said...

The last bit got cut off man. I was going to wait and see if someone else was going to mention it, but I guess that no one else reads this stuff. Don't know why the hell not! It's as good as any sitcom that I watch now, and I mean that! :D

I imagine the daughter has already figured out how to hold the tooth fairy for ransom, am I right?

Trent :-)

Floogin McNoogin said...

Thanks for the note about the last line. It was meant to be deleted, I think. Been a while but, still, thanks for being my one reader.

Little McNoogin, both of them actually, own me. They're smarter than I am by a lot and they know it.