Floogin's Blog Poses a "Significant Risk"

Well, as I awaited my big fat $100 check from google for the 2 plus years of advertising, I began compiling lists of how I will use the money. Sure, I thought about myself. Sure, I thought I'd buy some shoelaces and twizzlers with all that money. I contemplated 3 minutes of spank time on a porn site. I even thought about packing a back and travelling until the money ran out. I hear the Bronx is lovely this time of year. In the end, I decided I would split the money and put it in the kids' college accounts.

So, when I got the email last night, telling me that I was not getting paid and my adsense account was shut down, I was a bit stunned.

I found this part to be truly frightening.

While going through our records recently, we found that your AdSense account has posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers.

What the fuck does that mean? Is google calling me Floogin Bin Laden? Am I going to be shipped off to some dank eastern european makeshift prison while agents from foreign countries torture confessions out of me? If this is true, let me save everyone the trouble. I'm guilty. Whatever you want me to admit to, I'm guilty.

Huh? What? The significant risk stems from my asking people to support the blog by clicking the ads? That's not allowed? Seriously? So, when Pearl Jam plays a concert in New York City for the Robin Hood Foundation and they suggest, between songs, that people buy the shirts from the show to support the charity, are they posing a significant risk? When the auctioneer is imploring people to open their wallets and buy the products located around the room as a means of supporting the cause, is he posing a significant risk?

When the folks in Disney shove mouse product after mouse product down the throats of parents, are they not posing a significant risk?

Let's see, people come here, they read, they enjoy, or they don't, they click an ad out of respect for the blog. It's like tossing the change in the tip jar.

Fuck! Is suggesting people tip posing a significant risk?

I don't recall suggesting people sit and click for hours. I simply asked people to click the ads. How on earth is that posing a significant risk? If someone got a bit overzealous and clicked like a madman, is that my fault? I can't see how someone with a happy click finger should result in my being punished and losing out on the $125 or so dollars that was sitting in my google account.

I'm supposed to have lunch on Monday at Google's NY office. Want to know why? Because google threw it in as part of the prize for anyone buying the artwork from the school auction I went to a few weeks ago. I paid for a class project done by 4 year olds and google threw the lunch for two in to sweeten the pot. I wanted to go to their lunchroom. I did not want the kids' art. They enticed me into buying the painting. Isn't that posing a "significant risk?"

So, now I need a lawyer to represent me. I am going to sue Google for this accusation. I am going to sue them for slander. I am going to sue them for my money, plus interest and I am going to demand a public apology.

Now, if only I had some ads on the site, I might find myself a lawyer. I wouldn't click the link. I'd merely see the name and then call information, lest I be accused of posing a significant motherfucking risk.