My thumb is slowly mending. I miss being able to use my cell phone with both hands and I am still suffering the humiliation of needing some assistance when buttoning my shirts and pants but all should be restored in another 3 weeks when the pin comes out, the splint comes off and I can get back to hitchhiking left. In the meantime, the day's been an odd one.
For starters, what the fuck is up with the dude who grew a pea plant in his lung? For the uninformed, some dude accidentally inhaled a pea and it grew in his lung: pea in the lung story
As odd as this is, it made me realize, my mom lied to me when I was a kid, worrying that the watermelon seed would sprout into a full blown watermelon in my gut. It'd be pretty fucking cool to blame the big pot belly on an internal melon and I'm going to run with it.
I never get tired of seeing women with nipplitis so, why is it that I am so disturbed by the abundance of mannipples on display of late? I don't get a semi when I see women's perkies and I shouldn't get nauseous when I see the manbeams.
But I do.
My new hand splint is ridiculous. It covers my thumb and moves across my palm like some hardened version of a biking glove. It's plastic so, to make it not stick to my skin, I'm wearing a cloth "sock" under it. I look like fucking Madonna. It's truly embarrassing. When the Physical Therapist, who was kinda cute and very flirty, made it for me, she offered me the option of a variety of colors and she warned me that white and beige get dirty so I ruled them out and opted to avoid the colors as I thought, at the time, a purple or blue glove might look silly. Well guess what? This thing looks far more silly.
Back to the cute PT lady. She will be the one to help me retrain my thumb, reduce the scar tissue and get me back to hitchhiking in no time. When she asked me if I had anything sticking out of the incision area I said no, other than a tiny thread of stitching that didn't pop out when they removed my stitches the other day. She offered to pull it and I immediately told her it was too small to grab with a tweezers. She asked to see and I showed her. She said she could get it. I told her to forget it. I told her it was far too painful having them removed and I didn't want to start my day off with more pain. She laughed at me. This woman is going to think I'm the biggest pussy around.
I am but I don't need her thinking that.
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Watermelon seeds. Funny.
About a week ago, as my girls were carelessly devouring a watermelon, I informed them - once they were halfway done - that if they ate the seeds, a melon would grow in their guts over the next couple months, that they wouldn't know it was even there till it was fully grown and then, once it was full sized, the only way to get it out was either by puking or pooping.
Seeing as they'd shortly returned from a long vacation with family and had eaten a small patch of melons over their weeks away, they immediately stopped eating the fruit and gawked at me with such fear that I almost pissed myself with cruel pleasure. Worse, to them, I still maintain that the ripening will take place, in all likelihood by way of the equivalent of a horrific rectal rapture.
What can I say? Tormenting my kids is my favorite pastime.
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