I'm Old and Sad

I remember a time when I could eat anything, do anything, drink anything and, at the absolute worst, suffer a headache for a few hours the next morning.  Now?  Forget it.  I've got no tolerance for anything, including people.

What the hell happened to me?



There was a time when I'd look at the pills or the tabs or the shots or whatever, shrug and take two more.  I was capable of doing so much stupidity and still be semi-capable of functioning on a relatively normal level (for me).  There were nights were I took 4 hits of acid, dug into shrooms, drank grain alcohol laced kool aid all night, popped lines periodically, and then, when the sun started shining, swallowed some X for good measure.  I can't even smoke dope any more.  The last two or three times I smoked pot I turned into a blithering idiot. 

I was a wake and bake kind of guy.  I had my bong near the bed.  I'd roll over, do a hit or three, get up and enjoy the day.  Now? Someone whips out a joint and I'm slinking away to avoid having it handed to me. 

Hangovers?  Never really suffered much.  I've puked plenty but never really felt the ill effects, beyond a headache.  Now?  I need three days of recovery after a few drinks.

I don't take drugs anymore.  Not because I don't want to.  No, I avoid em now because there's no room in my life for them and I am doing my best to be a somewhat responsible adult and a somewhat responsible husband and parent.  I know that I'd be useless if I was needed in a crisis and I was too busy concentrating on those bright little fluorescent bursts of color that seem to swarm around everything when the acid is good and the mood is right.

Just how bad it is?  I took a fucking claritin 24 hour pill this morning and I can barely walk.  I'm wired out of my mind and I cannot function at any capacity.

Is this what happens when we get older?  We become so sad, so pathetic that taking claritin becomes a serious issue?  I'm supposed to pick up my car in an hour and I'm worried about driving while under the influence.

Of motherfucking claritin.

I'm an embarrassment.