It has rained every day this month. Ok, that's an exaggeration. It didn't rain today. Yet. The sun came out for a minute or two and people wandered outside, squinting and shielding their eyes like they all just spent a month in the "hole."
To say it's been wet has been an understatement. By the middle of the month we were close to breaking the record for rainfall for the month. That's right, half a month and we've got the highest rainfall on record (almost) for the month of June.
And it's been fucking cold. Mid 60's sucks in June. I spent a nice chunk of change on a cabana at the beach and it's been raining and cold and, basically, not usable. Figures.
The forecast for the weekend is cold and rainy and I think I heard the man on the radio say it was going to shit all weekend. Literally. Large and small chunks of actual shit will fall all weekend. The only time it will let up is when it's raining vomit.
Yay.
Father's day should suck. I'm going to my parents' for the weekend. I was going to go this afternoon but the shitty weather coupled with the incendiary potential for family fireworks made me adjust the time spent in the foyer to hell. Instead, we'll wake up and go tomorrow, drop our shit off, have some lunch and head out to see friends. Avoid them all until Sunday is my plan of action here.
Sure, I know, I posted that I set the house of McNoogin straight a few weeks back but the luster on that wore off after about 8 minutes and my mother has reverted back to being what she always was and my dad, well, he doesn't seem to want to face the issues at hand so he allows everyone to walk around, half informed, filled with internal anger for everyone else.
Fireworks.
On the bright side, I should get something from the wife and kids on Sunday. Probably won't fit or won't be of any use but I am going to act like I love it, regardless. My wife has decided that it doesn't have to look good or even be something I need. Instead, she has taken to buying me things based on the discount. She saw some jackets (I don't need any) at a store, marked down by over 40%. I looked them up on the internet. Ugly. I told her that. She told me they were marked down from over $2000 and now they below $500. I told her they could be free and I still wouldn't want to waste closet space on them.
So, I'll get some shit I don't like but I'll pretend I do.
Maybe they'll get me a hat or a hair piece. Seems I'm losing my hair or so I'm told. Bald spot is visible in the back. That's what my wife told me the other day.
I told her she looked like she might be gaining a second ass.
I think I'll ask for a some sex for father's day. Nothing special, nothing kinky or outlandish. Just a few minutes of loving. I'm sure the wife can offer that to me, right? I mean, how hard is it to take the kids out and leave me alone for 15 minutes?
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6 comments:
How does one gain a second ass?
Or, better yet, how did you escape the cast-iron pan swung at your head?
aw geez..smile would ya!
sunny up here in canuckistan..25-30celcius
Ahhhhh..I need a tan.
Gift yourself a fleshlight and hope for a power outage.
If caught "shaking" it... you were merely recharging the batteries.
:)
Gaining a second ass sounds like someone may be pregnant.
"The forecast for the weekend is cold and rainy and I think I heard the man on the radio say it was going to shit all weekend. Literally. Large and small chunks of actual shit will fall all weekend. The only time it will let up is when it's raining vomit"
...that was funny. Sums up the weather over here too. Hope you have a great fathers day.
rained again and, yet again.
this is getting ridiculous.
gaining a second ass could mean someone was pregnant. in this case, I'd be congratulating my wife and whomever the father is because it ain't me. Well, it could be. If she stole my seed while I was sleeping.
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