A punchline, does not, a celebrity, make.

So, my client had a book signing last night. The book store was a block from my apartment and, I figured, crappy day, not such a big name, she could probably use the support. So, I took my wife and daughter with me and off we went. (Little Floogin was with his grandparents). We got to the book store about 5 minutes into her speech. She wasn't reading from the book, I don't think. No, it seems she was simply talking about how she became the person she is today. The store was fucking packed. Tons of women of all ages. A few men here and there, most of them seemed to be gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Ever seat was filled, people were standing in all the adjacent aisles and they were crowding around the fringe aisles as well. Who knew this woman was famous enough to draw this kind of crowd?

I've mentioned this before, my client is on the Real Housewives of NYC. I've mocked the show and the women before. It's mockable. These women are, for the most part, pathetic charicatures of what NYC women are supposed to be like. They are, for the most part, pseudo-royalty, trying to appear important when, in reality, they are actress and celebrity wannabes who couldn't hack it as actresses or celebrities so they decided to go on tv and humiliate themselves to gain their celebrity status. A punchline, does not, a celebrity make.

Kato Kaelin is not a celebrity.

I've never seen a whole episode of the show these women are on. There's no point. They aren't indicitive of New York City women. Not the ones I, or anyone else I know, knows. These women are indicitive of what the rest of the country wants to believe NYC housewives are like. Much like they all want to think Carrie Bradshaw and her crew are indicitive of the single NYC woman. Simply not true.

So, anyway, my client, who, I think, seems to be the closest thing to a non-joke on the show, introduces one of her cast memebers. This woman, Brittney I think, looks like a shaved door mouse. She's downright ugly. What's scary is that she seems to be an uglier person inside than out and she's pretty fucking ugly. The crowd still cheered when she waved to them. She's a staaaahhhhhh.

Towards the end of the speaking part of the evening, my client mentioned another cast mate, asking if she was there. The crowd gasped in unison. Could she be here? Here? In this very room? Oh....My.....Gawd.....

Nope.

Not there.

Not yet.


So, on with the speaking. Suddenly, from behind me a whirling dervish blasts through the room. Some overdressed, over makeuped woman with an entourage of a few gay guys (not that there's anything wrong with that) comes plowing through the crowd. My client sees this woman and says "Jill's here!!!" and the crowd screams. It's like Hugh Jackman just walked into the room and whipped out his cock. The women are screaming, squealing. Flashes are going off.

Brittney comes up to podium with the other two and the woman swoon. Screaming and shouting and cheering and clapping their hands, the woman are going berserk.

These three broads, three veritable nobodies, one of which is good looking (my client), none of which is really "important" in a societal way, are creating a near riot in the book store.

These three woman are the A-Rods of push obnoxious D list celebrities.

Then one of the women says "this is her night, let's give her the spotlight"

totally fucking cool, totally selfless.

totally full of shit.

They then started giving out autographs - on my client's book.

Classless broads.


And now, some Brittney background. Brittney, it seems, was friends with my college roommate's wife. Brittney was at the wedding. I've run into her a few times. Mutual friends as a result of this connection with my old roommate. Anyway, one of my fraternity brothers took Brittney out on a date and she had him stop at a 7-11 (convenience store) so she could pick something up. He had no clue what it might be but, whatever. She comes out of the store swigging a bottle of fucking cough medicine. Now, I'm old so this dates back to when strong cough medicine had shit in it to knock you for a loop. she was swigging the bottle and she made a comment about getting ready for the night or something. This friend of mine is a bit of a freak. Dude's got porn with people taking dumps on eachother. He digs the smell of his own balls. He's got some frightening fucking habits and fetishes. He found Brittney to be too crazy for him.

That's my story for the day.